“You strike a woman, you strike a rock”. This was the battle cry of South African women that originated during the 1956 march against apartheid laws. Decades later, the expression remains a symbol of the strength and power of women when they stand together.
The truth is that women are tired. The unity and glue that hold us together have been fractured. And the irony is that we have one simple goal: to succeed. When our success stories are told, nobody mentions the trial by fire it took to get there. The sacrifice. The hard work. The self-doubt. If we name names and produce receipts, we’re branded petty.
It’s as if our destinies are predetermined the second we’re out of the womb. Study. Get a job. Get married. Have kids. Be a model employee. Go above and beyond, and never complain.
Boundaries are blurred, and burnout is a heartbeat away. Every time we approach that elusive glass ceiling, the goal posts are moved. The game is rigged. Enough is enough, starting now.
Saying No is Not an Act of Rebellion
Societal expectations compound the pressure to overdeliver, says author Amanda Miller Littlejohn. Prioritizing your own peace over those expectations is unheard of. And when a woman says no, it’s seen as an act of rebellion.
The peacemaker in you is hesitant to set boundaries, explains Littlejohn. Yet, learning to set limits helps avoid exhaustion and burnout.
As a burnout expert, Littlejohn suggests that saying no doesn’t mean you’re disappointing anyone. Rather, you’re protecting your energy, your mental health, and what matters to you.
Don’t think of “no” as rejection; see it as choosing what fits your life. Burnout occurs when your choices don’t align with your values.
Navigating Time Off
Heard the one about the marketing exec working from her hospital bed while recovering from a car accident? You’ve probably heard a variation of this story.
In April last year, a federal jury in Colorado Springs awarded Lorelle Thompson $45 million in punitive damages. The personal injury case against Ford Motor Company was filed several years ago following an incident involving her Ford SUV. The vehicle went into reverse, rolling over Thompson’s lower left leg.
With the help of a personal injury lawyer in Colorado Springs, she managed to prove there was a defect in the car’s shifting system. The issue was apparently well known by Ford, dating as far back as 1980.
Spring Law Group advises that, whether it’s an insurance company claim or a slip and fall, securing an experienced personal injury attorney is your priority. Many car accidents result in exorbitant medical expenses and medical treatment. Enlisting a law firm and legal representation ensures a fair settlement.
The second thing to do is to let your boss or manager know in a calm yet assertive tone that you are not to be contacted. Positive Psychology suggests declaring your needs without providing multiple reasons.
Firmly request the time off and say you will be ready to resume work once your doctor has ruled you are 100% in the clear.
Master the Art of Self-Care
The jury’s still out on the aim of self-care. Magazine articles and “experts” praise the act of taking time out for yourself. The point is that there is no time.
A few minutes at best is all you can spare. And nobody wants to spend 15 minutes soaking in a bubble bath while on a timer. It defeats the purpose of setting intentions.
Mindful practices have been shown to reduce stress. Why not try yoga, meditation, or breath work? Don’t discredit the power of quality sleep. Aim for seven to nine hours per night, and avoid screen time before bedtime.
Self-care can also be talking to a therapist or mental health professional. Many women find it cathartic to offload their worries on a stranger. Even better, if they can relate. Therapy is a safe space for women to explore their feelings and frustrations. It gives you the tools to develop coping mechanisms and to find the “how” behind the “why”.
Acts of Self-Love
Refinery29 spoke to women about how they protect their peace. And a few had some reasonable suggestions.
‘I Plug My Phone in the Living Room’
Like many of us, Riana used to charge her phone at her bedside table. The mindless scrolling kept her up at night. Pings and notifications distracted her to the point where she would hardly get sleep.
Now, she plugs her phone into the living room and has replaced it with reading material. She’s found that she falls asleep faster while consuming content she enjoys. Riana has taken it a step further by activating the Personal Focus mode on her iPhone. No notifications from email, social media, or texts outside of a select group of people.
‘My Word of the year is Boundaries’
Sarah believes the only way to protect her peace is to relocate. It may sound drastic to some, but for her, starting afresh gives her more control over her boundaries.
The penny dropped while completing her PhD. Community was important to her. Instead, she found that the people around her felt entitled to her time without recognizing that it was limited.
It hit especially hard when she said no to someone, and she was made to feel guilty for it. Now, she’s more aware of her boundaries.
Say Yes to Happiness
Saying yes sounds easier. You avoid confrontation and being the “bad guy.” However, you’re not allowing yourself to focus on what makes you happy. You’re repeating a toxic cycle of handing over your precious time to energy vampires.
Too often, we’re put into these boxes that define our worth. We know our worth, and it’s not peddling to the wishes of others. We are the sum of our fears. It’s time to break free of that narrative and just say no.
Set aside “me time”. Remove yourself from situations that steal your light and leave you exhausted. But don’t confuse it with being selfish. Protecting your peace when someone needs you to show up is an excuse to behave as a self-absorbed individual.
It’s a fine balance, but once you find it, you’ll find your happiness.
