Written by Heidi Richards Mooney, publisher, Global Visibility Strategist, and founder of Women in Ecommerce and WE Magazine for Women, platforms dedicated to amplifying the voices and expertise of women entrepreneurs worldwide.
There was a time when walking into a networking event was one of the most uncomfortable things I could imagine doing.
My first real introduction to networking came through a Chamber of Commerce event. I remember looking around the room and immediately deciding that everyone there was more accomplished, more professional, and more qualified to be there than I was.
There were attorneys, accountants, medical professionals, real estate professionals, executives, and established business leaders.
And then there was me.
I was “just a florist.”
At least, that was the story I was telling myself.
It took me quite a while to become comfortable in those rooms. What I didn’t understand at the time was something that became obvious to me years later:
I belonged there all along. I just didn’t know it yet.
When Other People See Something You Haven’t Seen Yet
Something interesting began happening as I continued showing up.
People welcomed me.
They included me in conversations. They wanted to hear about my business. They introduced me to other people. They made me feel valued.
And then something happened that surprised me even more.
They started asking for my advice.
That was a turning point.
These people I had placed on an imaginary pedestal didn’t see me as “just a florist.” They saw a businesswoman. An entrepreneur. Someone who understood customers, marketing, relationships, service, leadership, and what it took to build a business.
They were seeing value in my experience before I had completely learned to see it myself.
Confidence didn’t arrive overnight. It grew conversation by conversation, meeting by meeting, relationship by relationship.
Eventually, I stopped wondering whether I belonged in the room.
I started thinking about what I could contribute to it.
That shift changed my business and, in many ways, it changed my life.
But You Still Need to Find the Right Room
Showing up matters.
And where you show up matters too.
Not every networking group, professional organization, or business community will be the right fit for you.
Sometimes we join an organization because everyone tells us we “should.” We attend event after event, exchange business cards, make small talk, and wonder why nothing meaningful seems to happen.
It may not mean you’re bad at networking. You may simply be in the wrong room.
The right room isn’t necessarily filled with people who look like you, have the same profession, or are at exactly the same stage of business.
The right room is one where there is opportunity for genuine connection. It’s where people are curious about one another. It’s where ideas are exchanged. It’s where members celebrate each other’s successes. It’s where people ask, “How can I help?” as often as they ask, “What do you do?”
And perhaps most importantly, it’s a room you want to return to.
Where Are the Right Rooms?
If you’re trying to expand your network, don’t limit yourself to events with “networking” in the title.
Start with your local Chamber of Commerce. For me, that was the doorway. Chambers can expose you to people from industries you might never encounter in your normal business day.
Then look beyond the Chamber.
Consider professional and industry associations where people understand the challenges and opportunities within your field.
Women’s business organizations can provide another kind of room, one where women at different stages of their careers and businesses can share resources, experiences, introductions, and encouragement.
Conferences, workshops, trade shows, leadership programs, alumni organizations, civic groups, nonprofit boards, and volunteer projects can all become extraordinary places to build relationships.
And don’t overlook smaller rooms.
Some of my most valuable conversations have happened one-to-one. A cup of coffee with someone interesting can sometimes create a stronger connection than meeting 50 people at a large event.
Then there are today’s virtual rooms.
LinkedIn, online professional communities, industry groups, author communities, and virtual events have made it possible to build meaningful relationships with people we might never meet geographically.
The room doesn’t even have to have four walls anymore.
Networking Doesn’t Always Look Like Networking
Years ago, I participated in a leadership program through the American Business Women’s Association. As part of the program, I developed a project that brought together more than 50 chapters to create a quilt.
Each participating chapter designed a square representing its organization. The squares were sent to us, assembled into one quilt, and eventually presented to the National President.
At the time, I wasn’t thinking, “This is networking.”
I was thinking about bringing people together around a shared project.
But that is exactly what great networking can look like.
People collaborated. They contributed something. They became part of a larger story. Relationships were formed around doing something meaningful together.
Sometimes the best way to build a network isn’t to walk into a room and ask, “Who should I meet?”
It’s to create something people want to be part of.
Another Kind of Networking: Become the Connector
There is another approach that has served me well over the years: introduce people to one another.
If someone mentions a problem and you know someone who might be able to help, make the introduction.
If two people have something in common, connect them.
If you hear about an opportunity that would be perfect for someone in your network, send it to them.
If someone accomplishes something wonderful, celebrate them.
This changes networking completely.
Instead of constantly asking, “Who can help me?” you begin asking, “Who can I help?”
That is when a collection of contacts begins becoming a community.
And interestingly, people tend to remember the person who helped them without immediately asking for something in return.
Don’t Try to Work the Entire Room
One of the biggest misconceptions about networking is that success means meeting as many people as possible.
I don’t believe that.
I’d rather leave an event having had three meaningful conversations than carrying home 30 business cards from people I barely remember.
So give yourself permission to network differently.
Instead of trying to “work the room,” try to connect in the room.
Ask questions.
“What are you working on right now?”
“How did you get involved with this organization?”
“What do you enjoy most about what you do?”
“What kind of people would you like to meet?”
And one of my favorites:
“How can I help?”
Then listen to the answers.
You may discover that you know someone they should meet. You may have a resource they need. You may learn something yourself. Or you may simply have a wonderful conversation.
That counts too.
Give Relationships Time to Grow
Networking rarely produces its greatest rewards immediately.
Relationships need time.
People need opportunities to see you repeatedly, experience your character, understand what you do, and learn whether they can trust you.
That’s why I encourage women in business to keep showing up.
Attend the meeting.
Volunteer for the committee.
Introduce yourself to the person standing alone.
Ask for advice.
Offer yours when it’s requested.
Send the follow-up note.
Make the introduction.
Congratulate someone publicly.
Share someone else’s work.
Have coffee.
Keep in touch.
Small actions, repeated consistently, build relationships.
And relationships build businesses, careers, opportunities, and sometimes friendships that last for decades.
Maybe You Already Belong
If you walk into a room and feel intimidated, I understand.
I’ve been that woman, the florist standing among attorneys, executives, accountants, and other professionals, wondering what on earth she was doing there.
I wish I could go back and tell her what I know now: You don’t have to be the most accomplished person in the room. You don’t need the biggest business, the fanciest title, or the longest list of credentials.
You simply need to recognize that you bring something valuable to the conversation, too.
Your experiences matter.
Your knowledge matters.
Your perspective matters.
And sometimes the people around you will recognize your value before you learn to recognize it yourself.
So find the rooms where people challenge you, welcome you, inspire you, and give you opportunities to contribute.
Then keep showing up.
Make waves. Share your truth. Help others. Ask for advice. Build relationships and give those relationships time to grow.
The right room won’t necessarily be the one where you already know everyone; it may be the one where you discover more about who you are and what you have to offer.
Because sometimes belonging doesn’t begin when other people welcome you into the room. It begins when you finally realize you deserved to be there all along.
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