Caroline shares the challenges and successes of starting a business in an unknown and secretive industry. From hiring to firing and everything in between.
Highlights:
Biggest Challenges:
Starting a business in an industry she knew nothing about!
Words of Wisdom:
- Just get going!
- Give yourself time
- Forget perfectionism!
Links and Tips:
Caroline Brealey
Full Interview
AO This is She Owns Success, Episode 6. Hey, everyone, thanks so much for joining us for this episode of She Owns Success. Today I’ll be speaking to Caroline Brealey. Caroline is the founder of Mutual Attraction, a professional dating and matchmaking service based in London, which helps clients to find the one. Caroline is a renowned dating expert, winning of the 2014 iDate Awards for best matchmaker. She’s been featured in many publications, including the Telegraph, Glamour magazine, Huffington Post and Red magazine, to name just a few.
I’m delighted to welcome Caroline to She Owns Success today. So, Caroline, you’ve heard the intro, but tell us a bit more about you and what you do, including anything that you think I’ve missed.
CB Well, what an amazing introduction. Crikey, I was just doing a little dance when I was hearing that, that was fantastic.
00:00:55
That’s it really, that’s me. I run Mutual Attraction. And the other thing I would say is from Mutual Attraction I have a newer business called Matchmaker Academy where we train matchmakers in the profession. So when I started Mutual Attraction it wasn’t something I ever even… crossed my mind really that another kind of business would come out of it as well. So I also do that. And I like to keep pretty busy.
AO I was going say, crikey. Where do you get the time; we’ll soon find out hopefully. You can let us in on your secrets to the time management side.
CB Getting [sound slip].
AO Definitely. So we’re absolutely dying to hear about your journey and we’re going to go back in time because obviously you’ve come so far it sounds like you’ve got some amazing things happening. But what inspired you the start Mutual Attraction?
CB Do you know I often say I never went to university and studied to be a matchmaker, but it’d be pretty awesome if I had done. Basically, I was working in the voluntary sector, I was on my 20s, I was living and working in London, I’d moved here after university as so many people do. And I was ticking along quite happily, I never had the moments that some people talk about where they’re constantly craving the idea of a business and they want to work for themselves and they’re kind of constantly on that mission; I just totally wasn’t like that. I was actually a very good employee, I think.
00:02:12
AO Unless I’ve heard otherwise!
CB And it was all good, and everything was okay, it was all fine. But I guess I did think, oh crikey, I’d really like more holidays in the year and I’d really like to not have to go to work on a Friday. And, you know, oh, I’m not too keen on wearing this to work, I’d quite like to just wear my jeans. And actually that was part and parcel of my idea of having a business, which sounds ridiculous, but it was actually just, god, I’d like a better lifestyle.
But the main thing was really, I was single at the time, I was dating and I just felt that there wasn’t anything for single professionals that was a more personal service. Because in the dating world everything is online now, everything is very online based and that is fantastic for a lot of people, but not for everybody. So I had a bit of an idea, I knew nothing about matchmaking, I knew nothing about business, I was totally naive. And when I look back now I think, oh my god, I really didn’t have a clue. So I just went for it.
I was leaving my job. Working in the voluntary sector I was always on annual contracts, so something was always coming to an end, you never really got your feet under the desk too much. And when my final project was coming to an end I thought, well, now seems like a perfect opportunity and I went for it.
00:03:21
AO Fabulous. So you mentioned the fact that you knew nothing about this magical world of matchmaking, you were naive, so what was the actual first steps and actions that you took them to get started?
CB Do you know, all of the actions that I did felt like I was climbing a mountain, even the smallest thing, which now I look back, it’s really easy, of course, to look back and think, oh, that was really easy, why was I stressing about that? But I remembered the biggest thing I had was all these terms and things that I didn’t understand then everyone’s saying, oh, we’ve got to register the business and you’ve got to find a name. And finding a name was a challenge enough because I just… I’m not very creative, so I really struggled to come up with a name. And then trying to find one where the web domain was available and the name was actually available, proved really, really challenging.
But then my biggest, first hurdle was when I went to register with Companies House to make the business official I realized that the name I’d chosen I actually couldn’t have it unless I got permission from the FSA, which is like a big financial authority if you like. I had to get their permission to use it because it had the word mutual in it. And there’s like about 12 terms that you have to have permission to use and of course, I picked one. So I just remember feeling like this was the biggest scariest thing like I’ve got to get permission to start up a dating agency from a financial authority. And it was actually really simple. I just emailed and they sent me a letter back that I sent to Companies House.
00:04:41
But I remember that being… you know, just all having to learn all that kind of stuff and I spent so much time on Google and asking friends and family, but really Google was my friend and I really had to look. And I did a lot of like what you’re doing now, I listened to a lot of podcasts, I read a lot of blogs and tried to piece it together.
AO Definitely loved the podcasting and Google; I’m a big Google fan. You can find so much on there. Love it.
AO That is so funny, who would’ve thought you would pick the one out of only 12 that you had to actually get permission for; how funny.
CB Totally [unclear]. And it felt such a big deal at the time. And just setting up the bank account felt a big deal and all this stuff. And what I found as well was that I started to put off actually launching the service in a way, by spending a lot of time doing things that didn’t matter quite as much. So you’ll lookt a big business and they’ve got all these fantastic social media accounts and you kind of feel like I’ve got to be like that and I’ve got to look like that, because people won’t take me seriously and I have a business and that’s how a business runs. And I certainly felt like that.
00:05:48
And so actually I spent a lot of time doing stuff that actually probably could’ve waited. Though I think it was part and parcel of also just being nervous of actually really getting going, kind of hiding behind the preliminary stuff, rather than saying I’m open for business. Oh no, I can’t open for business until I’ve fixed up my Facebook account, you know, so spent a couple of days doing that.
But I think there’s so much to do when you start a new business or you start a new project and it is a case of prioritising what’s really important. And you do get to a point where you say, okay, I’ve just got to go for this.
AO Tell us what you felt were the biggest obstacles and challenges that you had to overcome? How did you move passed them to reach the success that you’ve arrived at today?
CB I think really my biggest challenge was I didn’t understand the matchmaking world. I was basically launching a business in an area I really didn’t know that much about. Yes, I knew a lot about dating, definitely know a lot about that, and I knew what I could read and all that kind of stuff, but I didn’t actually know how a matchmaking company really worked. Now what would have been sensible would’ve been to have approach matchmakers and maybe done an internship or tried to get a job with a matchmaker for a little while, but that all felt a bit… I was already passed that point, I was already in by this point.
00:06:56
And so it was a real challenge to get to grips and understand quite what I was going to be offering. So it’s a bit like if somebody says I’m a coach, I’m a life coach. Okay, but what do you offer them, what are the packages and how are those packages delivered and how much do you charge and all those kind of logistics. And that was such a challenge for me. And in the end, I just had to kind of guess, because I couldn’t… Even if I’d wanted to in hindsight, I wouldn’t have been able to get a job with another matchmaker; they’re incredibly hard to come by. And the matchmaking industry is changing, but it used to be very secretive, very… nobody would work together, the thought of collaborating was just a bit no-no and thankfully that changed.
In the end I just had to go, okay, well, this is what I think it should look like, this is what from, you know, people I’ve spoken to who would be potential clients, this is what they say they would like, so I’m just going to put something together. And I did and thank goodness I did, because I think part of the problem… part of the issue with… there’s a lot of people who say they’re going to launch things and then they don’t, is they want it to be perfect. And it just won’t be. And so you’ve got to start with something and you can always change it, you can always change down the line.
00:08:06
And our membership has changed drastically since when I started. Our packages, our pricing, pretty much I’d say most things have changed, but just from making that decision of, okay, I can’t think about this any more, this is what I’m doing, this is how much I’m charging and I’ve just got to go for it. Because until you’re actually doing it and you’re doing the job and you’re working with clients and you’re working with clients who are paying you money, there’s nothing quite like that to really see if what you’re doing works.
AO And that is such an important point you make. First the procrastination piece, I think we can all be guilty of putting off that thing that we know we should do. If you’re avoiding it, it’s the thing that you need to take action on and just get it done. And then in terms of the fact that you didn’t know what you were doing, you just went with it, and as you said, things have changed and you were learning as you went along, it’s better to be out there and learning than to be putting it off.
And that perfectionism thing, I think perfection is kind of… is the enemy of actually getting things done, isn’t it. I almost think it’s a procrastination in itself, isn’t it?
CB It is. It’s a bit like with your website, I think, you can’t have this. When you launch a website for your business or your project, whatever it is that you’re doing, you want it to be absolutely perfect and it just won’t be. You’re never going to love it totally or you’ll love it totally for like a month and then you’ll be like, oh, I’ve just seen another website and I really like that a lot better. It will never be perfect. When I look at our website and it’s so due an overhaul and actually we are going… we’ve just started the process of going through it, but we’ve had that website for five years and I’ve probably been looking at it for the last 18 months.
00:09:34
But you know, we’re busy and your priorities are shifting all the time and you have to prioritise them, so it doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect, just get going.
AO Exactly. And get going, get some clients and start earning some money. Because actually ultimately you could have a great website and all of these other things, but if you’re not actually earning anything you haven’t really got into business yet and you’re not going to learn.
CB Exactly.
AO So let’s move to your day to day. You mentioned the secretive part and I would agree with you. I think many moons ago I was quite intrigued by this industry, because it is very secretive, or at least it was, so what is a typical day for you, what does that look like?
CB Do you know, there’s no massively typical day in matchmaking, mainly because we’re working with so many very different clients. I would say my day to day role has changed a lot since three years ago when I was much more hands-on with the client. Now I have a really small, but perfectly formed team, they do a lot of the day to day meeting with clients, so I work with our bespoke clients.
00:10:33
So I would say a typical day for me would be first thing in the morning… I’m a bit of an email addict; I’m trying to wean myself off it. The first thing though I check my emails, often before I’ve even got out of bed, which is really naughty…
AO Very naughty.
CB I know, I know, I must be better. And then I get up and I have a little selfish dog called Lady, who has just joined our family a couple of months ago, so she’s helping me to really get outside and get some fresh air more, because matchmaking is still a lot of, kind of, behind the computer, for me anyway and for the team. So for me it’s just really good to get some fresh air. And before I had Lady I just didn’t, because once I’d opened my inbox, you sit down and that’s it, you’re in it for the day. Whereas obviously she needs walking, so that helps me to get out and get some fresh air. So a couple of times a day I’ll go out and walk her, some short walks.
But it’s email normally in the morning, it’s checking up on clients, seeing how dates went, making some matches, writing up client profiles. And then I do… normally in the afternoon if I’m not out and about meeting clients, because I normally have three days working from home and two days out and about in London meeting clients.
If I’m at home I will tend to be doing things like looking at the branding and this whole web development we’re having, you know, it’s working on that. Or it will be updating our contract. Or I’ll be doing some work for Matchmaker Academy, so maybe planning our next live training. Or at the moment I’m creating an online course for it, so that’s a whole new learning curve for me.
00:11:56
So every day is really, really different. On days that I’m in London I’ll be meeting clients, I’ll be meeting other matchmakers. And what I love about it is that it is different and that I’m not just sat in an office. I love having that freedom and flexibility to go and meet people out and about and [unclear] of tea and coffee.
AO Yeah. I do love a cup of tea; I have Green tea, what tea do you drink?
CB English breakfast, really strong.
AO You can’t beat it, can you though; a good old classic.
CB I have one on the go as we speak. If you hear me slurping, I apologise.
AO That’s absolutely fine; we love a cup of tea. So just a couple of points there, Matchmaker Academy, when is that going to be live; very exciting?
CB The company launched in 2015, early 2015, but we’ve only been doing the live, kind of, London weekend boot camp, which we do twice a year. But the online course will launch in November, so November 2016.
00:12:50
And hopefully, I’m saying this, I’ve got everything crossed as we’re talking, that is all coming together and it’s been really exciting, it’s been a project of love. I realised that I first had the idea to do this nearly four years ago, but it just was never really the right time or there were other priorities. And I’d, kind of, said to myself this year I have to do it or else I won’t feel content with myself.
And I tend to be one of these people where I’ve got an idea and I don’t necessarily do it straight away, I’m thinking about it. And then I get to a point where I get really annoyed at myself that I haven’t done it, and then I think I’m going to do it. And it came to that point earlier on this summer, so I’m really excited. And it’s quite interesting, because matchmaking is very much trading time and money, so it’s very much a personal service, you have to physically be there kind of thing.
And, of course, an online course is totally different, a lot more web based and a lot more passive, so I’m learning a great deal which is really good.
AO Really exciting and also motivating for all of us out there, including me who some times you can take such a long time to, as you say, get those ideas into action. Even the likes of fabulous Caroline has taken four years to get this so… So even if you haven’t done anything, there is still… we still have hope; you’ve given me hope.
CB There’s still hope. I would love to write a book one day as in a fictional kind of chick lit and I… one day, one day. But it’s not the right time now and I know it’s not the right time, but there will become a point, maybe in another four years, when I go, I’m going to feel really guilty if I don’t do that this year. So, yeah, don’t be too hard on yourself.
00:14:14
AO Exactly. But it sounds like you’re flowing with ideas, which is really quite exciting. So you mentioned earlier about your setting up because you wanted to stop working on a Friday, but as you talk about all the things you’re doing, dare I ask, do you not work on a Friday?
CB I definitely work on a Friday; I definitely work on a Friday. But it’s so different, it is really different. The first couple of years I worked Saturday and Sunday and every evening as well. And it’s a bit of a cliché, everyone says, oh, you’re going to have to work really, really hard and throw yourself into it, but it’s really true. And so really three years I’d say a solid hard slog until I looked up and thought actually I’m in a different position now. And certainly over the last year things have changed. I do still work hard and I work Monday to Friday, but I don’t work at the weekends any more and I don’t work in the evenings and that’s really, really lovely. And I also have freedom in a different way which is, as I was telling you before we hit record, I’m off to Disney World for two weeks, sorry…
AO I did read that you were a bit of a secret Disney fan or not so secret now.
00:15:15
CB Yeah, I’m a real kid, I must say. Everyone’s got a guilty, you know, geeky, secret and that’s mine. And it’s just lovely to be able to do that and just to say, well, I’m going off for two weeks. And I’ve been away quite a lot this year; I go away for work, but I also go away lots of pleasure, but just… even just taking days off. So my parents, about two weeks ago, were coming to stay with me so I just took the week off and it was fine. I just checked in on emails still and still managed everything.
So, you know, yeah, it’s not how I thought it was going to look, I thought I’m going to take very Friday off, but actually I don’t want to take very Friday off. And that is the nice feeling, I want to take time off when I feel like taking a day off or feel like going shopping or… that’s the beauty of it I think, having that freedom and that flexibility. I got married early this year and we’re thinking about a family and…
AO Congratulations.
CB Thank you. It’s definitely changing the way that I think and thinking about the future and, you know, I work from home so how am I going to manage that and let’s see what the future holds really. But it’s certainly on my mind.
AO Really exciting, but with things like the passive side of things developing and soon to launch on the online course side of things, your business can keep running and being successful and doing all these great things and you’re not necessarily having to be there and trade time for money.
00:16:28
CB Definitely. And having a small but really good solid team has helped me no end. Just also to have somebody, sounds really basic, someone to talk to, because often if you do launch something on your own it’s really hard and you don’t always have other people to talk to and you feel like every decision you have to make… well, you do have to make every decision. So you can’t share that [unclear] a little bit or even just say, oh, I’ve decided to do this, what do you think? So having the team there now has just really relieved my pressure quite a lot and I’m far less stressed than what I was. And just knowing that when I go away they’re there, they’re going to hold the fort and be absolutely fine; they won’t even notice I’m gone.
AO Exactly and you may never come back, you’ve been enjoying it too much. When did you know that it was time to get a team in place? Because that seems to be another one of those things where people leave it too long, don’t they, before they actually start getting a team, building a team.
CB Yeah, including me really. So I took on a full-time member of staff. I could’ve done like part-time first, but I felt really, really apprehensive about it, I was very nervous. I was very nervous of the commitment financially, so much so that I actually waited until I’d saved 30,000 that I could put away for their salary for a year. I felt… it was just psychological, I just thought I’ve got to know I’ve got their salary, first year, put away, which is a bit crazy, but it worked for me to have that in my mind.
00:17:57
And I did go too long, because it did get to a point where I was just running ragged and then you’re so busy that it’s really difficult to stop and train somebody up, because you’re so busy that you’ve, kind of, gone passed that point. But I think you have to do it when you genuinely feel in your gut feeling that, okay, it’s time. And I know that sounds really airy fairy, but I think it’s true. You know, it’s often your baby, your business, and it’s really daunting to take somebody on, and exciting as well. And I was certainly very, very daunted about the whole training process and how it was going to work, because we’ll work from home and…
AO Yes.
CB And the first person I took on actually was a disaster, a real disaster; she was awful, she was lazy, she didn’t do anything and I had to let her go after, what was it, about eight weeks. And I had never foreseen something like that happen, I just thought it’d great, I’d get somebody lovely. Actually I knew fairly soon on after I’d taken her on, this isn’t right.
And so then when I was going into the recruitment process the second time I was even more nervous, because I thought, god, I’ve botched up once; I really need it to go right the second time and it’s an expensive mistake to make. And fortunately I got someone fantastic who’s still working with us, so that’s wonderful.
But trust your gut instincts a little bit and don’t rush in too quick. It can be really easy to fall into the vanity trap which is: I need a big team, I need a big fancy office, I need all this that and the other, which is how I felt a little bit too. But actually you don’t need all that stuff.
00:19:27
Look at what you actually need, don’t spend money on things that really aren’t a priority or that you really don’t need yet. Once of the things I think has really helped me from running the business on my own for several years is that I really, truly understand it, I know it inside out; I know everything pretty much to do with the business. So it really helps now for me to support the team, to train them up and to make decisions for our future. And like I say with this branding project, I know the business inside out, because I’ve done every part of it and that is really, really beneficial.
AO Really fantastic advice there in terms of not feeling like you have to get these fancy offices and have a huge team, I think so many people, that’s what they think about when they think about setting up and having a successful business. But there’s so many different businesses, it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s businesses of one person that are hugely successful.
But also talking about getting your team together and the one that didn’t work out, my background is actually recruitment so it’s quite funny to hear you say that, but they say that you should hire slow and fire fast. And it sounds like you knew quite quickly that it wasn’t working. Was it quite difficult to actually make the decision to let them go, to part ways?
00:20:36
CB It was and I think what you just said then, brilliant advice, and somebody said something very similar to me as well, because they said it’ll cost you so much money and time and energy if you have the wrong person and it’s so true. I did get a bit of a feeling quite soon, but I thought, no, give her the benefit of the doubt. And then there was just slowly things that niggled and just… she clearly didn’t have the professionalism. And it’s so important when you’ve taken somebody on, because they’re representing your brand and your company that you’ve worked so hard for.
So I remember it was an Easter weekend and I realised… the Bank holiday weekend, and I realised just as we were starting the Bank holiday I checked her emails to see if something had come through yet that I was waiting to get and I realised, like, three times I’d messaged her and said, oh, I haven’t heard from you. And she just hadn’t been asking… she hadn’t been doing what I’d asked her to do, which was as simple as sending a client a message; that’s so important, that’s what our business is based on, good communication, and she just hadn’t been doing it.
And so I knew there and then, okay, come Tuesday – it was Bank holiday – I’m going to have to get rid of her. So all Bank holiday I was just was really nervous about it, upset, stressed, anxious and then I did it first thing on the Tuesday morning. And of course she didn’t take it fantastically well, who does, but I felt so much better when it was done, so much better. And it was 100% the right decision. So very scary moment, very daunting and I hope I never have to go through it again, but, yeah, it was the right decision.
00:22:01
AO Definitely, you’re brave enough and you did it. So we’re going to move on now into inspiration and motivation, which I think are just so critical, whether you’re running your own business or not. So what are your sources of inspiration?
CB You see, I really like just spending… I’m a real [unclear] I love listening at female entrepreneurs’ websites and things like that. I absolutely love looking at it and just seeing what other people are up to. I actually like looking at people outside of the matchmaking industry, but I like to get my inspiration for things from what other people are doing in other industries. I read an awful lot; I read all the newspapers and all the magazines, because that where things will make… you, kind of, go, oh, that’s interesting. Well, maybe I can write something that’s like a counter argument to that, because actually I don’t think that’s a good idea in dating. And then it gives you these thoughts and… But I really take inspiration from everywhere.
So I’ll give you an example. Last week I met with the guy who’s going to be doing our branding and redevelopment of Mutual Attraction. And when I met him for coffee he came and he gave me a gift, I’m such a sucker for a gift. He gave me this really nice, really high end book with all these designs and things that he had worked on over the years; it was a beautiful book. And he gave me his little business card with a little, like, a badge thing on it; I can’t remember what it was now, but it was linked to his business in some way.
00:23:26
And so I took inspiration from him in that actually that made me feel really good, because we do consultations very much the same where you meet for coffee to sell whether you gel to potentially work together as a client. And I just thought that made me feel really special, even though it’s ridiculous and he obviously gives it to everybody, but I thought it was [overtalking].
AO But it made you feel amazing, didn’t it.
CB Yeah, it did and I realised that. And I even joked to the team, I said I tell you what, the next guy doesn’t give me a free gift, I’m going with this guy. But it didn’t come down to that. But it really just made me think actually, that’s really nice, I wonder if there’s something that we might be able to do for potential clients when we meet them at a consultation. So, you know, it won’t be a book of designs or anything like that, but maybe there’s something in it and it’s something which I took back to the team and we have decided that we’re going to do something; we don’t know what. But again it’s thinking about that made me feel really good. And also then when I went to another meeting for the branding, it didn’t make me feel good for various reasons, so again I can take that back to the team.
But I think inspiration is everywhere and you might… might be from something completely different to what you think.
00:24:27
AO That’s such a wonderful, wonderful example. And it just got me thinking about a really lovely quote actually, from Maya Angelou about how people will forget what you say and what you do, but they’ll remember how you made them feel. That was just a wonderful example of that. And that’s what really hooked you on to that guy is the fact that through that gift he obviously made you feel really special, even though you know, as you say, that he’s giving this to probably other potential clients.
CB Don’t say that to me. But, yes, it’s…
AO No, you’re the only one, sorry.
CB No, it’s not that. But it’s so true and it’s just that… it just was quality, it was professional, it was just… and really, really nice, it gave me a talking point, which is often needed when you’re meeting somebody for the first time in that kind of capacity where we’re meeting potential clients, they’re quite nervous, they’re going to talk to you about their dating life. So how can you make that person feel really impressed, because they’re going to go and meet other matchmakers as well, so how do you stay in their mind, how do you make them feel comfortable and happy and relaxed and really inspired as to think, yeah, actually I think our clients would really benefit from something like this.
00:25:25
AO Fantastic, thank you, and some great advice there as well. How do you keep motivated when things get really tough? You’re running this really successful business, but as you mentioned before there’s been difficult times and you were working round the clock before, so when it’s really tough and it’s just not happening, how do you keep yourself going and motivated?
CB Do you know what, now I let myself just have a lazy day if I’m feeling really demotivated. I don’t tend to go through massive like long periods of demotivation, but I do tend to maybe get a day where I wake up and I just think I’m just not in the groove, I’m not feeling it today, I just can’t get into it. And if I have those days I’ll go and clean the house, I’m all rock and roll, or I’ll go and do something totally different. Because I have definitely learnt that if I have one of those days there’s no point of trying to force myself to do stuff, because when I’m on an on day I will do that in five times the speed. So I just end up wasting a day, doing something that I could’ve done in half an hour another day.
So I’ve definitely learnt just to let it go, not… let it go, let it go…
AO Had to get some singing in there; loving it.
CB And so, yeah, I just now think, okay, that’s fine as long as I then have good days where it kind of balances itself out. So I’m not too hard on myself, because when it is something you’re very passionate about you feel really guilty if you don’t get stuff done, it really eats you up. And I think it’s different to if you’re going to work in a job, you don’t feel as guilty, because you’re still being paid and blah, blah, blah… So when it’s your thing you’re like, oh my gosh, I’ve had an off day, I’ve got nothing done, I feel so guilty.
00:26:56
AO Like the worst person in the world, yeah, the worst entrepreneur.
CB Yeah. Now I keep myself motivated by having Lady, my little sausage dog, and going for walks, that really helps getting the fresh air. And actually we moved house earlier on this year. I was living in Canary Wharf in a tiny apartment, right in the heart of everything, which was great, but now we’ve moved to a nice house in the suburbs so I have the garden, I have much more light and that really helps as well.
And I also found that, particularly in Canary Wharf, I used to go and work from coffee shops a lot and that was just to be out and around people, because it could be quite lonely if you’re doing something on your own. So those first years I would set myself a routine, because it’s still really important to have that or else you can slip and slide quite quickly. I always say to myself I’ve got to be in Starbucks in Canary Wharf at 8a.m. and I was there every morning by 8a.m. It was really funny, because there were loads of other entrepreneurs doing the same and we [sound slip] we saw each other every morning, we knew each other really by the end, like, morning; it was like our work colleagues.
00:27:56
AO This is your off days, yes.
CB We always joked about it – oh, come to my office, Starbucks. And that really helped just to be around people and have other people’s… not even necessarily talk to, but just see rather than sat at home all day, every day can be quite demotivating. So getting out there, meeting people and just being around others for me is really motivating.
AO Thank you. You talked about routine there, so let’s talk about getting organised, because if you’ve got so much to do, we’re all really business, particularly if we’re just starting out, and perhaps if we’re even doing this as a side gig, it’s even more busy. How do you organise yourself and plan your time and do you use any specific tools that we can take away, hints and tips?
CB Do you know I used to have a really nice diary and I love physically writing in it. But then I eventually started going to where I have stuff online and in my actual hardcopy diary and calendar and stuff. So now I only use online; I use really, I use Google calendar and that is my life in Google calendar. I know some people have real fancy systems and I don’t, I just schedule everything into my calendar. So I know, for example, that I write a monthly newsletter, I do a recurring schedule, so it will come out without… I don’t even need to think about it, I know it will come up on my calendar. And I do a lot of that.
I tend to block out every morning an hour to do bits and bobs and so it’s always in my diary, in my calendar, and I always just go into that box and add anything that I’ve got to do. So like this morning when I clicked I was like, oh, chase up client A, see if he had a good date. Check banking to see if this client’s paid. Set my phone system to go to another team member for when I’m away.
00:29:37
So I just tend to put all little jobs in those daily block and then I go in and I really… I love to put done next to them and I put it in capitals.
AO Oh, it feels so satisfying, doesn’t it, a big old tick.
CB I really like it. And for me that works. It’s very, very basic as I say, it’s nothing fancy, but it just works for me and it just…
AO Simple but effective, we like that.
CB Exactly. And I’m really bad at thinking I have100 hours in every day, so I always give myself too much to do; I’m working on that at the minute.
AO Is that your biggest weakness?
CB Yeah.
00:30:10
AO As an entrepreneur.
CB I always over schedule, so… I’ll be like, oh, I’m going to get this done today and I’m going to get this done, I’m going to get this done, and I’m like actually that’s totally unrealistic, just one of those is probably going to take most of… You know you some times forget that of course you had emails coming in and things to attend to, you haven’t just got a blank day with nothing else happening, and you’re getting phone calls and that kind of stuff, which eats into time. So I’m really trying to not over schedule so much.
AO As we come towards the latter part of the interview, this has been fantastic so far and you’ve given us such great advice that we can all follow, that could be very useful, let’s fast forward, what do you want for your business ultimately and what’s happening for you in the future? I know you’ve talked about obviously the online course which is happening, but you mentioned a book, so what’s ultimate for you?
CB Oh, that’s such a good question and the honest answer is I don’t know, I really don’t know. In terms of Mutual Attraction I would be really content if we keep growing at the pace we’re growing, which is slow and steady, if we continue to do a great job for our clients and help keep… having good successes in matching them and helping them find love. And I would like to grow, absolutely, but as I say, I’m not one of these people whose like I’ve got to have a team of ten in the next year or else I’m not going to be happy, not at all, I’m in it for the long term. So I’m quite content with that and just would like to grow and steady.
00:31:29
In terms of Matchmaker Academy, that’s where I’m looking for more growth over the coming year, so that’s taking up, I’ll say, quite a large chunk of my time, so it’s kind of a bit of a balancing act. Whereas you spend a long time on Mutual Attraction and I’ve got to say that’s taking a little bit of a backseat, because it’s ticking along nicely. And with Matchmaker Academy, well, there’s so many things I can do and so much potential. Of course we have the online course. I already have a little bit for it, which is out, but I need to update it.
And then longer term it’s looking at creating maybe a more of a community for matchmakers, so there’s lots of interest in doing things like a dispute resolution. A lot of matchmakers work on their own, so it’s very difficult of somebody complains, there’s nobody they can go to, to be impartial; so different things like that. There are lots of different things in the pipeline, it’s just how to bring it together in the right way.
But let’s see, I’m quite… I’m fairly easygoing with my plans when I think things will just come up and I have a good idea and I have a good feel for things, and then I go for it. So who knows who knows? As I say, I didn’t even think Matchmaker Academy would ever exist.
00:32:31
AO I know and look where taking that relaxed approach has led you, it’s amazing. I think so many people… I can take a leaf out of that book. I launch off and think I want to do this, this, this, I want to be at this point by this point. Of course that just doesn’t happen, does it, that’s just not life.
CB It doesn’t. I said to myself this year I would be happy if I achieved two things. One, I launch my first online course, and the second thing was to… I really wanted by the end of the year to have the rebrand of Mutual Attraction complete, ready for the new year. So I’d always said as long as I do those two things and everything else ticks along nice, I’ll feel good. So touch wood I’m on course, I’m on course.
AO Definitely, and you’re certainly… it sounds like you’re a woman with focus, so you’re focused on those things and that’s great. So finally, words of wisdom. What is the one thing that you wish someone had told you when you were starting out that you think every entrepreneur that’s starting out should know?
CB That it’ll take longer than you think. That sounds really cynical. I don’t mean it that way, I really don’t. But, you know, if you’re on Facebook you’ll see all these adverts constantly, make 6K in the next two weeks, they’re just everywhere, and it’s all very much money focused and it… you can be a millionaire in three months time if you follow the six step pattern, blah, blah… And it drives me mental, it’s just absolutely everywhere. And it takes a long time, not everybody is an instant success. Of course you read about all those ones, because they’re exciting and they’re different so they’re always in the press and things.
00:33:55
But actually for the majority of businesses, for the majority of projects, it takes a bit of time to get going, probably longer than you think, and that’s absolutely okay. Because as we’ve already both said throughout this interview is slow and steady is the way forward and it will take longer than you think, but stick with it, keep going, don’t give up and just keep plugging away, keep plugging away, get family and friends on board and try and stay as motivated as you can.
AO And hopefully we’re all doing things that we’re really passionate about, so you shouldn’t be, oh my goodness, I’m not making that 6K in two weeks so I’m out of here on to the next. So you should be doing something that it doesn’t feel like it’s taking forever, because you’re loving it as well.
CB Exactly. And a lot of the overnight successes that you hear about, they’re not really overnight successes anyway. When you dig deeper you’ll find actually they have been doing it for a very long time.
AO Yes.
CB Don’t be hard on yourself, it will probably take you that bit longer, but that’s okay and just embrace it and enjoy it, it shouldn’t be [unclear]. As you say, if it’s something you’re passionate about, have some fun with it as well.
00:34:52
AO Definitely. So what final words of wisdom do you have for our listeners that will help them get on their way to starting their own business, if they haven’t started yet, which I’m sure lots of people are in that position, or to kind of growing their business as you have yours.
CB I think if you’re at that beginning position then they’re doing the right thing by listening to this podcast and taking in as much information as they can, but at some point you have to say, okay, time to get going, because you can read and you can listen and you can procrastinate for so long. I always say set yourself some deadlines, they don’t have to be massive, but it could be, okay, in three months time I’m going to have… come up with a name for my business, I’m going to register my business, I’m going to have set up my bank account and done the boring but important things.
So give yourself plenty of time, because you want to achieve it, you want to be realistic as well, especially if you are doing it on the side or you have family and things like that, it’s going to take longer. And just set yourself some little kind of challenges to ease yourself into it and then I think it will make you feel really good when you hit those targets.
And then if you’re looking at growing your business, I’d say the same and also to take a bit of time out to look at where you are now and to really look at your achievements, because it’s very easy to forget. You forget what it was like a year ago, or how a challenge it was working with that one client, because once it’s over, it’s gone from your mind. But actually you’ll have some amazing achievements. So look back and celebrate those.
00:36:12
But also take a couple of days out of your business, I know it’s hard to do, but just really stop and reflect where you are now and where you want to be. You can get so busy with the day to day stuff that you can’t see out and you can’t see where you need to be developing.
And then finally I would say get some support. I’ve used virtual assistance; I’ve got things like accountants, because I’m absolutely rubbish when it comes to [unclear]. I like to do as many things as I can myself, but at some point you’ve got to go actually this isn’t my strength, I’m better to have somebody to do this. So line with the online course, when I was looking at how I was actually going to have the platform, I had no idea, so I got somebody on board. But then I learnt how to do audio interviews and stuff like that myself. So don’t be afraid to get other people’s support and other people’s help.
AO Thank you so much, Caroline, and with those amazing words of wisdom we have come to the end. So, Caroline, tell us where can we find you and how can we connect with you before we say goodbye.
CB Lots of different ways. They can either pop along to mutualattraction.co.uk or send me a message or carolinebrealey.co.uk or matchmakeracademy.co.uk. And I’m also on Twitter. The best place to probably get me is matchmaker academy
00:37:23
AO Fantastic. And everything will be on the site and in the show notes. So thank you so much, Caroline, it’s been such a pleasure. Thank you for sharing your journey and telling us your fabulous story and I hope you have a fantastic holiday, enjoy your time.
CB Thank you very much for having me.
AO Thank you. Bye, bye.
CB Bye.
AO Thanks for joining us, my fabulous top women. Everything that we have discussed will be found at sheownssuccess.com and all of Caroline’s hints and tips will be on her show notes page. As ever, if you’ve enjoyed the show, please feel free to get in touch, I’d love to hear from you with any questions or suggestions. And also don’t forget to go to iTunes where you can leave a rating and review.
Until the next amazing story, goodbye.
